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Joy Bubble

3 Nov

I have a painful secret… one I’m going to share with you right now…

Here it is: I have some shocking taste in music. It’s true. One of my favourite songs of the year? Usher – OMG. Loved it from the first moment I heard it. Still do, it’s my song of the year by a mile. Of course I love Train and Snow Patrol and John Mayer and (insert politically correct band here). Goes without saying.

But then – here’s the kicker – there’s The Zac Brown Band. More Pure American Country, you will not find. I love them as  much as I  love B.o.B. and Bruno Mars. And lordy, they put me in a good mood every single time I hear them. I dare anyone to listen to “Toes” and not be somewhat charmed.

One of their songs has the lyrics “Don’t let this moment pass, live inside this day”.  And that, folks, is what it is all about. Today I walked barefoot in my veggie garden. Today we pulled and ate a carrot fresh from the ground. 100% organic. Zero Carbon Footprint.  Today I drank delicious filter coffee. Today I connected with my friends. I revelled in choosing sparkly decorations for my son’s school and I mixed myself a tall glass of chocolate milk. Tonight the air is cool and building up for some rain. In the words of  The Zac Brown Band “Life is good today”.

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Faith, Trust & Pixie Dust

18 May

Firstly (faith part of the post), Happy Birthday to Susie, I hope you enjoyed the warm weather we all conjured up for you!! My birthday wish for you is… have faith and believe! 🙂

Secondly (pixie dust part), as a result of the peculiar warm day yesterday, my child was a little overheated in his vest and sweater at school. Unfortunately, like his parents, my child tends to perspire a little more than others. Yesterday, referring to his damp brow, he exclaimed “Mommy! My brain is melting”.

Then (trust part), I had an ((((interesting)))) dream last night. The beauty of some dreams is that they feel so real, so when you wake up, the lessons or learning stay with you as if they were a real experience. The whole dream got me thinking about trust and how important and valuable it is as a quality in people. The people I value most in my life are the people I can trust unreservedly. And I think that goes for most (if not all) people. I think, when it comes to relationships, trust is one of the most common characteristics of any long-term friendship or relationship. I have realised that, at all costs, trust is the one quality to nurture above all others. Because, once trust is broken, it can take forever to repair. There have been a few relationships that I have lost over time because my trust in the other person has been irreparably broken. And, unfortunately, a few relationships that I have (sometimes irreparably) damaged because I broke someone else’s trust. Hopefully one day I can heal those relationships.

This pretty much sums it up for me:

And then, for those who take life a little less seriously, this also hits the nail on the head… 🙂   

And finally, for all of those out there who are holding back, afraid or whose trust has been broken… “trust life”…

What is that feeling?

11 Oct

 

So, I haven’t posted “me stuff” in a while. That’s because I am having trouble figuring out exactly how I feel. There are days when I feel incredibly sad for what I have lost. It is the strangest thing: being part of someone’s life one day, and the next day not knowing what that person is thinking, feeling or doing. And not having a right to ask how that person is thinking, feeling or doing. There is a wall that rose up overnight. It might as well be made of 16’’ reinforced concrete. With a titanium protective cover. And a Durex coverslip to keep things nice and clean and sterile…

But these sad feelings only last a few days, moments even. There is something else that I am trying to figure out. It creeps up and catches me unawares. It jumps out, just when I’m not expecting it, and takes me by surprise. I’m not sure, but I think I recognize it from many years ago. I am not sure, and I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I think I may be happy. Ssshhhh… don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to scare it away.

I kind-of like myself these days. For the first time in a long time, I can look around me and like what I see. I trust myself. I trust the universe and I trust those I love. It is a very strange sensation. I think it takes falling down really hard before you can open your eyes and see just how far off the track you have strayed. For so long I have let someone else tell me what was important. I spent all my energy arguing my point of view and trying to explain my voice. I didn’t have any energy left over to ask myself what was important.

And, now that I look around me, there are so many people just waiting to tell me that I am okay. That I will be okay. So many people ready to tell me that they like my voice. And that I make sense. So many people who understand. So many people who are ready, willing and waiting to tell me that they love me no matter what. After all these years I feel like I don’t deserve that kind of unconditional support, I keep coming up with reasons why they shouldn’t feel that way. I still find it amazing that my friends say “we love you no matter what”. Surely I will do something really bad and they will see the truth? Surely? But, slowly I am starting to see that they love be because of my failures, not in spite of them. For so long I was loved “in spite of” and now I am starting to see that I can be loved “because of”. No-one thinks that I should be anyone other than who I am right now, no-one telling me I should do ABC and XYZ because I must be a better person. That acceptance feels too good to be true, but you know, I am starting to see that it might just be true…

Finally I feel like I am back on the path that I am meant to be on. And it feels SO unbelievably good. If it looks happy, sounds happy, tastes happy and smells happy, could it be…?

 

Channeling Mia Michaels

3 Oct

So right now, I think Mia Michaels just might be the most kick-ass woman alive. It is no secret that there is a lot brewing in my life right now. Trust me, it is simmering below the surface. I am waiting for it to all settle into the right places, and then I am gonna lay it all on you!!

So, back to Mia. (Kewel name hey Caroline??? Amy and Mia – sounds good? … but I digress). Of course, I prefer it with a “P”. ANYWAY, anyone who watches SYTYCD knows what I am on about. This chick exudes everything I wish I could be. She is smart, spiritual, centred, eloquent, a choreographer GENIUS and generally all round kiff-chick. She is nice and sweet, but demands the absolute best of people without compromise. She has no problem expressing herself when she is both pleased and pissed-off. My kinda Gal.

I found this piece of writing by her and it just added to my hero-worship. I think I need to channel Mia Michaels to make sense of this shite I am going through.

“Your reality is your reality. Your perception is your perception. Whatever your truth is, it is. Trying to understand the difference between your truth and the truth of others […] is a great challenge. How do we honestly know the difference? Go inside of yourself…

The answer lies there. There are two types of life warriors. The leaders and the followers. Being a leader requires constant seeking of one’s own truth. Being a follower is simply just believing and owning someone else’s truth. What are you? What is your beauty? What is your ugliness? What is fat? What is happy? What is perfect? What is love? What is art? What is? Your perception of your truth is what is, at this moment, in this time, and most likely ever changing. Everyone, being wired and divinely programmed differently, has their own truth. Every truth is valid and, perhaps, it’s the complete opposite of others’ truth. Does it mean it’s wrong? Nothing is right or wrong…

It just is. Right or wrong is merely just your own judgment and perception. Creating my own right and my own reality, is my truth at this time. My own vision and instincts are what makes me…me. My timing, phrasing, and choice of vocabulary is my right. What is corny or false to me could be the most brilliant thing for someone else? Seek your own truth. Stand strong in it. Know it. Own it. Follow your gut instincts and never question. Your reality is yours and your reality is perfect! Remember, my writing is my own little perception, of my own little truth inside this big vast world of billions of individual truths. Perfect. “

Over

29 Sep

at an end, closed , completed, concluded, consumed, consummated, done, done for, done with, elapsed, ended, exhausted, finished, gone, kaput, over, terminated, through

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