Thoughts on me, integrity, and reaping what you sow

10 Nov

I have lost my way slightly in the last few weeks. A presence insists on pushing her way into my life. Challenging me to live what I believe. Forcing me to accept that other people don’t live by the same set of rules that I play by. And fair play to her – we are not all cut from the same cloth. The challenge is to maintain my integrity in the face of disrespect and to find some sort of tolerance for someone else’s game play.

My philosophy is to lead with love. I truly believe that love is all that matters in this world. Not our possessions. Not money. Not things. It is our relationships that matter. When I look back on my life, it is the people that I remember. The friendships that I have formed. The people that I have loved. Not the things that I have accumulated.

Lately I have found it very hard to walk my talk. I am angry. I am hurt. And I have lost the thread of love that is usually woven through my life. I want to get back to the “me” that is me. I want to find myself again. But I am a pendulum – swinging back and forth – and I can’t quite find my true north.

I need to learn the lesson that not everyone thinks the same way I do. We all have our own moral compass and we are all on our own journeys. The hard part is convincing myself to trust. Trust that I need to “be the change” without expecting others to change. It is hard to open up and care, knowing that you are likely to be hurt again and again by people. One of my favourite quotes is “never let the things that matter most be at the mercy of those that matter least”, but how do you live by that code while accepting that there are people who allow the things that matter least to guide their decisions?


2 Responses to “Thoughts on me, integrity, and reaping what you sow”

  1. Susan November 12, 2012 at 11:20 am #

    I know that this is such a difficult thing that you are being forced to deal with, but by dealing with it, you are proving that you ARE the better person. Take it moment by moment, breath by breath and always be a lady!! XXX

  2. Serena November 24, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    Hi, I just found your blog and I love it so much that I feel compelled to leave a comment.
    We all have those times. Sometimes I feel the same, not being able to practice what I preach. The important thing is to keep trying and not give up. Every day starts anew, and a new opportunity again arises so we can redeem ourselves. You have inspired me to keep trying. I’ve subscribed. 🙂

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