SOS From Mummy-Ville….

21 May

Please send re-inforcements!! Mummy needs re-inforcements!!

Or maybe a glass a red wine.

Or Two.

Make that two bottles… 🙂


Reporting back on the adventures of Mummy-hood this week, four notable encounters are worth mentioning to convey the depth of my…  [[[[insert suitable description, I was going to go with “suffering”, but perhaps that’s being overly dramatic...]]]]

Oh, fukkit, let’s go with “suffering” for now.

  • Incident One: I have realised that all children learn to play the “play-play” game at some point. By “play-play” I mean some variation of “house-house” or similar. The common interpretation is that kids act out what is going on in their understanding of their world. Little children will play “house-house” or “school-school. Just how they all magically come to name their games some double-barrel version of reality eludes me. It just makes me more convinced that they are all conspiring against us adults and have some secret society and shared consciousness that only they understand. So, kids may play “nurse-nurse” or “mommy-mommy” or even “shop-shop” etc. All good and groovy. It’s normal behaviour, because they are replicating their experiences… so, please tell me… why, oh why, would my child — of all the options available (doctor-doctor would be my profession of choice) — why would my child turn around and announce “Mommy! Let’s play naughty-naughty”… where did I go wrong…??


  • Incident Two: Took Adam for a walk around the neighbourhood for a lovely late afternoon stroll. Lovely weather. Perhaps a little too cool, but hey, we brave bone-chill winds and hypothermia for the sake of our children (don’t we?). On our walk we came across two dead trees. I proceeded to explain to my child that the trees were dead. (oh, why didn’t I see the vast chasm opening before me and stop myself…) … My innocent statement was followed my the inevitable  “why mommy”. Ah, yes, the concept of death… [[[fuckit, fuckit, fuckit]]] “Well Dear…” I proceeded to pull apart a few alive trees to expose the green, moist interior. We then compared out stalks with similar stalks from the dead trees. Brown, hard and dry vs. green, soft and moist. My child observed both and was able to comprehend and explain the difference between dead and alive (mental patting on the back). Feeling well chuffed at my parental capabilities we continued with our day. Later that evening my child managed to allow his finger to find its way into his nose (don’t look at me like that… if your kids don’t do it, they will soon…). When I spotted him and reprimanded him, he proceeded to tell me “it’s okay mommy, the snot is dead, I must take it out…” … … … … (dead as in dry and crusty,… not moist and … uggggggghhhh).


  • Incident Three: God help me, I have the most observant child in the universe. Driving home the other night he announces “five more lights mommy” [[eh??]] Not one to ignore my child, I say “what do you mean baby?”… “four more lights mommy” [[WTF??]] getting slightly frustrated I continue to probe “mommy doesn’t understand what you mean, tell me another way”… “THREE MORE LIGHTS…” [[[Seriously… WTF??]]] … “Umm… Addy, Mommy doesn’t understand…” … “TWO MORE LIGHTS TILL WE’RE HOME”… it dawns on me that the kid knows how many lightposts it is untill we get home… and he started counting down before we turned the corner, so he knows this shit from memory. I am still slightly spooked. I mean, I have been known to count things, and I should be programmed to understand it, but …????


  • Incident Four: More on the observant front… the other day my child noticed that the moon had moved in the sky. Yes, within the space of 2 hours, he had noticed that it had moved. Of course, following this observation, we had the dreaded question… “why mommy…?” [[[fuckit, fuckit, fuckit to hell]]] I tried to explain, to a three year-old, to the best of my ability, that the moon moves around the earth and that is why it looks like it moves in the sky. I demonstrated with my fists and some expansive circular arm movements. He seemed satisfied with the explanation and we moved on with our day (mental patting on the back). Blow me down if, yesterday, between the morning and the afternoon, my child has realised that, not only does the moon move in the sky, but the frikken SUN does too… “why mommy…?” [[[fuckit, fuckit, fuckit to hell three times and back or more…]]]… I think my answer to that one was “oh, look!!! a plane…..!!”   

Please send large quantities of red wine ASAP, my nerves are shot and I have used up all my mommy-mental-agility.



One Response to “SOS From Mummy-Ville….”

  1. Fiona May 23, 2010 at 12:12 pm #

    Oh God Pia you have me in stiches, my sides are acheing from laughing so hard. You have a long long way to go, wait until the “where do babies come from Mummy?” starts. A funny story about the double barrel game play, Wendy was taking far to long in the loo when she was little and I shouted to her “is everything alright darling” “yes mummy, just playing toilet-toilet” WTF would have been used if we were used to that saying in those days!!!! xx

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