What not to do… version 2… and 3

15 Aug

Ahh, yes… may I present yet another version of “what not to do…” in the happy-go-lucky life of Pia:

What not to do – Version 2.1
rush out of the house in the morning without your cellphone…

What not to do – Version 2.2
listen to the mid-morning news with half an hear…

what not to do – Version 2.3
hear on the news headlines that the Nedbank building is on fire. Having left cellphone at home, try frantically to get hold of mother (who works in said Nedbank building) without success. Try desperately to contact everyone and anyone whose number you can scratch from your failing memory. Panic when no-one (and I mean NO-ONE –  including said mother) answers your call. Have distraught visions of people diving from the windows of a burning building and dissolve into a helpless mess of uncontrolled fear and panic…

what not to do – version 2.4
call the ex-partner in said state of “uncontrolled fear and panic” – only to make the poor man’s heart stop completely for the first few moments of uncontrolled sobbing… Moments in which, I’m sure, he had visions of rushing to hospital to save his son from whatever disastrous ill had obviously befallen him…

note: make sure you can squeeze out enough coherent words so that he can calm down enough to tell you to calm down…


what not to do – version 3.1
do not leave your cellphone at home and/or misplace your spare set of car keys…

what not to do – version 3.2
do not leave all your worldly possessions including your handbag, credit card, i-pod, laptop and house keys in your car…

what not to do – version 3.3
allow your (almost) 3-year old child to play with your only set of car keys in a busy shopping centre while you are having a lovely cup of coffee with a friend…

what not to do – version 3.4
find yourself without your car keys, without a cellphone and without money in a busy shopping centre. Become paranoid that believe that someone somewhere is watching you and trying to follow you to your car so that they can steal  it (and its precious contents) while you are not looking…

what not to do – version 3.5
become convinced that the security guards are in cahoots with the “someone-somewhere” and that they are not really security guards but rather an ingenious car theft syndicate…

what not to do – version 3.6
Try and keep an eye on your car (without obviously giving away its location to the someone-somewhere syndicate) while simultaneously trying to control (almost) 3-year old who is now tired and hungry and thirsty and needs to go to the toilet. Continue to maintain covert eye on car while trying to convince every friendly looking store-owner that you really do have an emergency and really do need to use their phone… (while trying to control tired, hungry, thirsty child)…

what not to do – version 3.5
call ex-partner once again and appear like a deranged, idiotic, paraniod female for the second time in a few short hours…

what not to do – version 3.6
call lovely friend and (with subtlety) accuse them of stealing your car keys…


post script 1: A nedbank building in town was indeed on fire – just not the one in which my mother works. Thanks to a few calls made by Dave, all was once again good in my world.

post script 2: The security guards turned out to be really helpful, kind-hearted souls and not part of an ingenious car theft syndicate. The car keys were found near the kids colouring table at the coffee shop.

post script 3: New House Rule 1: (almost) 3-year olds are no longer allowed within 3 feet of any type, make or shape of keys.

oh, and… never leave home without your cellphone… it could be hazardous to your mental health…



4 Responses to “What not to do… version 2… and 3”

  1. JQ August 15, 2009 at 9:44 am #

    Oh my! This sounds like such a stressful day. I hope you’ve been able to take some good deep breaths and let some of it go- seeing that things are ok now. Eeeesh! Sorry 😦 I’m glad your mother and son are ok, and that you got your car keys back!

  2. Caroline August 15, 2009 at 11:33 am #

    Good grief Pia, time to slow down and take a few breaths! Glad it all worked out ok in the end and that Toni is ok. xxx

  3. Poppop August 15, 2009 at 12:35 pm #

    Sorry about not answering the phone but I was at Kelvin and the use of cell phones is not permitted inside. Glad that all turned out well. What a stressful day. Amazing how a series of events can play havoc with the mind.

  4. purpleronnie3 August 15, 2009 at 7:25 pm #

    Freaking funny and crazy.. I feel slightly manic and stressed just reading it!! Why was I not the friend you were having coffee with hmmmm???? Just kidding.. keep calm and carry on my friend.. xx

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