In Recovery

18 Aug

This is the last of it. I may post some photos of Wendy, Lily and Love. But then I am done. No more of this mooning crap. I am getting on with it. Forging forth. It is expunged. Done.

No more blinking romance and weddings. I love you’s and happily ever afters. I am done.

This is for anyone who ever believed in happily ever afters. For those who have love and give love. This is for everyone and their someone special. For anyone who has someone they hold dear. For everyone who has someone to hold them when they break. This is for my friends who come and dance with me without question, even when I am absent. This is for Adam because this is how I want him to live his life.

The Dance
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiralling down into the ache within the ache.
And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
And see who I am in the stories I am living.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall,
to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs you want our children’s children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle
not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me.


One Response to “In Recovery”

  1. Sandra Green August 20, 2008 at 7:51 pm #

    You are who you are. Stop grieving for the person you had hoped to be.
    So many pretty words will not help you to find yourself.
    The greatest gift you can give yourself right now is the gift of acceptance.
    You are who you are. Embrace that. And learn to love who and what what you are. Right now…and at this moment in time.
    Unless you can recognise yourself, you will never be happy.
    Don’t make the journey about finding out who you could be, make it about finding out who you are.
    You will surprise yourself.
    Courage…and remember. You are never alone.

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