Don’t let me get me

2 Jul
I am having a really tough time motivating myself. I just can’t seem to shake myself into action. I feels like my brain has been disconnected. All logic and thinking functions have been disabled. In the distant recesses I can hear the whispering of what I should be doing… but it is too soft. Too subdued. Too easy to ignore.

I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. (Yes, it is where most of my great ideas come from…) I realised that I have always been like this. Just when I think I am getting on track, I start to backtrack. I really need to figure out why I do this to myself. I am my own worst enemy. I have always been my own worst enemy.

My entire life has consisted of people telling me I have potential… if only I would apply myself. I am sure the nurses in the nursing home muttered it when my Mom wasn’t listening. I KNOW it was on each and every one of my report cards. The story of my life.

I am so sick of the word potential. I have to figure out how to do the “apply yourself” part. Because “potential” means jack-shit doesn’t it?? It’s a hypothetical construct. It’s a “what-if” not a “what-is”. I don’t want to look back one day and wonder “what if”… but how do I get there?

Don’t let me get me.
I’m my own worst enemy.
Its bad when you annoy yourself.
So irritating.
Don’t wanna be my friend no more.
~ Pink

2 Responses to “Don’t let me get me”

  1. Sandra Green July 2, 2008 at 6:28 pm #

    Someone, long ago, said to me: ” You are not afraid of failing, you are afraid of succeeding, because then you will have to know yourself.”

  2. Java July 3, 2008 at 5:08 am #

    Pia, you took the words right from my heart and laid them out perfectly! “Too easy to ignore”. I’ve been feeln’ so melancholy, sooooo in my own world. And, funny- I do my BEST thinking in the shower, what is that all about? I wonder if we are all our own worst enemy? I think we are all so hard on ourselves we certainly don’t need outside forces telling us we could be so much more! I think you are perfect just the way you are and you are exactly where you should be. I mean it!

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