This I know for sure.

3 Feb

You cannot change people. This is an absolute law of the universe. Like gravity. People cannot be moulded to your will. E=MC2. It may work in the short term, but manipulation and cunning will not make people act the way you want them to. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. People will not change simply because you think they should. A sqaure has 4 sides – and no matter how badly you want it to have 3 sides, it never will. Because it is a square and not a triangle. No matter how sound your logic is, no amount of manipulation, discussion, begging or pleading will make a square into a triangle.

If it makes sense in the laws of the universe – that you cannot change something that is – why then do people still try and mould the people in their lives? I realised long ago that you can only accept and love people for who they are. You cannot claim to love someone when you secretly think “if only they would…”. There is a tremendous freedom to be gained in deciding to let go and love someone for themselves – without wanting them to change first. Acceptance is the basis for all real and true relationships. Without it, nothing is real. Everything is a parody of the real thing.

When you start from a base of true love and acceptance, you will find that you relish in the other person’s growth. You will hold their hand along they way. You will be their sounding board. You will offer advice without expecting it to be followed. When that person changes of their own accord, you will celebrate together, because you were there to witness the journey. A fertile environment of true acceptance is the only way that you can hope for growth to occur. For others and, more importantly, for yourself.

When I think back to the significant people who have shaped me in this life, it was the ones who love or loved me unconditionally that I think of first. There are those who did not accept me. Those who wanted me to be different. Relationships frought with difficulty. But looking back, the true friendships are with those people who relished in my strengths as well as my weaknesses. Those people who loved me because of my foibles – not in spite of them.

I’m clumsy. I’m lazy. I’m stubborn. I’m moody. I’m grumpy. I’m disorganised. I’m unreliable. I’m untidy. I’m always late. I’m intoverted.

I am also calm. I am steady. I am honest. I am soft-hearted. I am ameanable and easy going. I am kind. I am creative. I am tolerant and I am loving.

my happiness is me, not you.
not only because you may be temporary,
but also because you want me to be what i am not.
i cannot be happy when i change
merely to satisfy your selfishness.
nor can i feel content when you criticise me for not
thinking your thoughts,
or for seeing like you do.
i do not try to mold your mind.
i know you are trying hard enough to be just you.
i cannot allow you to tell me what to be —
for i am concentrating hard enough on just being me.

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3 Responses to “This I know for sure.”

  1. Sue February 4, 2008 at 7:41 am #

    We love you just the way you are; wouldn’t want to change anything!!

    Lots of love,
    Susie xxx

  2. Wendy February 4, 2008 at 9:15 am #

    I love that you know all your good points and bad. you obviosly know yourself very well.
    We are all who we are and no one else can change that. even if it changes for a while I think you will eventually return to type.
    xxx

  3. purpleronnie February 5, 2008 at 10:45 am #

    and even more important is to learn to accept and love yourself as you are and not try to change yourself.
    i love those last words they make me cry as they are so true.
    xxxx

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