No More Weddings!!

11 Dec
Here are some pictures of my friend, Jackie’s wedding. They make a beautiful couple and it was a beautiful wedding!

I have officially decided that I am no longer going to any weddings! I have had enough of sitting on the sidelines and watching while other people promise to love each other and commit to each other in front of family and friends. Weddings have started to become a sad occasion for me and I find myself far too emotional throughout the whole affair, so I don’t think that I can go to another one. I end up angry and sad and that gives me no right to be at someones wedding.

I am so sick and tired of being someones “girlfriend”. It is such a stupid term for our relationship.

girlfriend (gûrl’frĕnd’) n.

1. A favoured female companion or sweetheart.
2. A female friend.

Is this what I am to Dave? A favoured female friend? As if there are more out there, and I just happen to be the current favourite? I HATE buying Christmas and birthday cards because all the words for the cards for “boyfriends” are so cheesy and flowery. Our relationship is so NOT that of girlfriend and boyfriend so none of those cards apply. The words that I want in the card are only in the cards for husband… Maybe they should make cards that say “to the father of my child…” or “to my long term partner…”

Yesterday was the anniversary of our 8th year together. 8 years of ups and downs. Highs and lows. It looks like a marriage and smells like a marriage, but it isn’t one. I get all the hard work of a marriage but none of the flowers. Anniversaries mean nothing when you are not married. Wives get gifts and cards and maybe flowers to celebrate yet another ear together. Other people remember the anniversary of your wedding and congratulate you on surviving with each other for another year. What is a piece of paper worth? It never used to mean anything to me and I never thought that I would want to get married. I never thought that I would want the piece of paper!

Actually, I don’t really want the paper because I know it’s not about that. What I really want is a ceremony in front of family and friends. I want a celebration with champagne and flowers. With love and laughter. And a photographer to capture the memories so that Adam can look back one day and say that that was the day my parents committed to each other. I don’t want to be Mrs. But the crux is, I want him to want it. And he doesn’t. So what’s a girl to do.

At the end of the day, I guess I should be happy that the definition for girlfriend is at least more interesting that the definition for wife

1. A female participant in marriage
2. The lawful consort of a man; a woman who is united to a man in wedlock; a woman who has a husband; a married woman; — correlative of husband.

Why would a couple that lives and sleeps together every night need dates and rituals? Precisely because they live and sleep together. Bill Doherty

“I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them – it was that promise.” –Thornton Wilder

4 Responses to “No More Weddings!!”

  1. Wendy December 11, 2007 at 10:15 pm #

    I hear you. My relationship hit a rocky patch when proposals were thin. I just needed that commitment. to feel special .
    I have been engaged for 2 years now and finally am getting married in august.( you have to come sorry) funnily enough it took me getting really serious about the issue for kRistian to come around but since he has he is really keen to get married. I think its important to remember that there are 2 people in a relationship and just because he does not want this does not mean thats how it must be. It may seem extreme as its just getting married but if it means a lot to you and your realtionship together it has to be discussed
    and it least it saves the embarrasment of saying oh this is my boyfriend like a 12 year old.
    chin up he may be buying a ring as I type!!

  2. purpleronnie December 12, 2007 at 7:45 am #

    I totally agree with Wendy – why is it about what he wants only? You are also present in this relationship and your needs and wants should be counted just as highly as his. If he wants to make you happy as I am sure he does, why the hell is getting married to you such a terrible thing? I still have not heard one good reason for not getting married.
    I can completely understand where you are coming from regarding having to watch other ppl get married.
    I really think it’s time to bring out the big guns babe

  3. Sue December 12, 2007 at 11:34 am #

    Hear hear!! I agree… If being married’s not such a big deal, then why the hell not just do it? I mean, why not? You’re practically married on every other level and you’ve got a child together, so it’s not like your relationship’s not stable. I always think that not being married’s makes a relationship too unstable. Once you’ve committed to one another, in front of friends and family, when things get rough, there’s no just walking away from each other. You guys have Adam to consider now too and you have to be grown-ups about things… It’ll all work out the way it’s meant to, but it does sound like you need to have a fat chat with your man!! Maybe he does have a very valid reason for not wanting to get married, but he needs to at least tell you.

    Good luck, here’s hoping we see some bling soon… xxx

  4. Nana Fi December 13, 2007 at 10:45 pm #

    Marriage is and has always been a wonderful institution. It is now not only important for you but for Adam. I agree with all the wise young ladies before me, if it is important to you it should be important to him. I love your blog you write so beautifully. Could you also update us on Adam’s leg and how he is etc. Love Nana Fi xxx

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