Anywhere But Here!

26 Oct

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

And I am in serious pain at the moment. I think that today’s Daily OM was specially written for me ( I want to resign. I want to resign so badly, I think I have almost convinced myself that I have already done it. Hence my extreme irritation at having to come to work every day, and my ferocious desire to bite the head off anyone who asks me to do anything. I am so switched off at work and so grumpy in general, that I am starting to think that maybe I am the problem and not the job. Maybe if I cheered up a bit, things would get better. Maybe it is all about me. Dave says that every morning I can choose whether I want to be happy or unhappy. But then again, maybe it is the job? I don’t know. There are so many people out there who would love to have the safety and security of a job like mine. Permanent employment and with a small but steady income with pension and medical aid perks. Located 10 minutes away from home and my child’s daycare. I personally know people who don’t have a job at the moment who would jump at my job. So what gives me the right to hate my job with every ounce of my being? What gives me the right to think that I deserve more?

There are people who can’t think of anything better than being on a golf course all day – and they go out and become golfers. Then there are those who love lights and cameras – they become actors and TV presenters. Still others who dream of living and working on a wine farm, they become wine makers. Those who love helping people – they become social workers and psychologists. My point is, there are people out there who are living, on a day-to-day basis, the kind of life that fulfils them. They are where they have always wanted to be. I want to be where they are. If only I could figure out where that is! At the moment, all I want to be, is anywhere but here!

On a happier note, here are some photos of Adam. He LOVES my car. Over the weekend, my mom, trying to be new-age and encourage merto-sexual development in her grandson, tried to get Adam to play with one of my old dolls. She tried to get him to put “the baby” to sleep in his cot and to ride in his pram. My poor child was non-plussed. He eventually had to forcefully push the doll away everytime she brought it out to get his point across. Do Not Want To Play With Dolls Granny! Cars are cool!


4 Responses to “Anywhere But Here!”

  1. Nana Fi October 28, 2007 at 10:17 am #

    Boys will be boys. As you know I have both sexes and Wendy was a really dainty little girl. Played quietly and loved makeup and playing with my hair. Andrew loved anything with buttons and dials and his scooter which he rode like a madman(child). Adam is just too adorable behind the wheel of a car – when that time comes you will develop many many many grey hairs!!!!!!!! Nana Fi xx

  2. Sue October 29, 2007 at 8:25 am #

    I can completely understand where you’re at!!! Although I love the company I’m with, I generally love the people I work for and with, I have tons of flexibility and responsibility and the office is really conveniently located – I’m often bored and unfulfilled. I also really feel that there’s so much more out there that I could be doing better with my time. My greatest wish would be to stay at home and to just be Jake’s full-time mom. A half day job would be a really nice option, but I really feel like my heart is continuously with the child I cannot be with during the day. If I could live my life over, I’d have studied photography and gone into that professionally, travelling and filming everything that moved. Alas, as a single parent, I now have no choice but to work – life just stinks sometimes and you just have to smile and pretend you like it!

    Big hugs

  3. Wendy October 30, 2007 at 9:43 pm #

    Adam is so cute behind the wheel of your car!!
    You know the work thing is so difficult. In a perfect world we would all do something fabulous that we love. I am a firm believer that ifyou want something badly enough you will make it happen. Perhaps a middle ground of little baby steps working up to quitting. As you rightly say jobs are hard to come by. Try out a few things and then when you feel confident enough….go for it!!

  4. Aunty Bling December 7, 2007 at 11:46 am #

    I suppose I have to admit Adam looks very cute in the Springbok jersey…even if I supported the opposition.

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