The ring of love has a short circuit

19 Oct
Belief plays a key role in determining how willing we are to get behind something. But beliefs are not the reliable guide we sometimes think they are. Sometimes the degree to which we are willing to challenge our belief systems determines our success in life. By learning to questioning our beliefs, we withdraw energy from limiting ideas and free up powerful resources that allow us to thrive. (stolen and misquoted from today’s Daily OM)

Rugby does strange things to men’s minds. And I am annoyed and irritated on so many levels today!!

Firstly, it annoys me no end that Dave supports England and not South Africa. He is a South African Citizen and has lived in this country TWICE as long as he has lived in England. He has more allegiance to the country where he was born than to the country that educated him his entire life, the country that he considers his home. I wouldn’t mind him supporting both England and South Africa, but it is his bald, arrogant determination NOT to support South Africa under any circumstances that gets to me.

I perfectly understand feeling an allegiance to the country of your birth. My family in New Zealand are testament to this and are an interesting parallel to Dave’s situation. Melanie and Jeff left when they were about 35/38 taking with them Jade who was 12 and Carmen 5 (?). Melanie and Jeff are staunch SA supporters having lived in SA for the majority of their lives. Jade supports SA to the end, but will always shout for NZ. Dear Carmen has her heart firmly in both countries. She still loves SA and considers it part of her heritage, but is also a New Zealander through and through. She will shout passionately for both teams. She has endless disagreements with her family because she claims that they brought her to New Zealand when she was little and that she has grown up with that heritage too so they should respect her allegiance. Darling little Natalie, born a New Zealander, will always support New Zealand.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for respecting and honouring your heritage, but it is the blind determination, the stubbornness and the conscious pig-headedness not to embrace South Africa that gets to me. He walks on our beaches, runs on our roads and braais under our sky, but refuses to support the South African teams. It’s like a bitch-slap in the face of all South Africans.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that it all bodes well for Adam, because, following Dad’s example and logic: He was born a South African and apparently you always support the country of your birth no matter what! Also, I have this endearing picture of Dave that I have been holding onto for all these years – waiting for the right time to bring it out…

THEN, my second huge gripe and IRRITATION of the day is that my “darling” English Supporter announced this week that a friend of his is arriving this weekend for the rugby so he and Freddy are going “out” to watch the rugby. The World Cup Final Rugby. The South Africa vs. England Rugby. The Rugby Event of the Year. The Rugby that the whole of South Africa is hyped up for. The rugby that I have been waiting with baited breath for. Oh, and by the way, Pia, you can stay at home and look after Adam.

Either that or Freddy is going to come to us to watch the rugby and get horribly drunk and loud (because that is his way).

Apparently I have a choice in the matter. It’s like the advice they give to mothers of small children: Put out two outfits that you have chosen and then ask your child to choose which one he wants to wear. That way, you as the parent still control what your child wears, but the child gets to feel like he is making all the decisions. I get to choose how I watch the rugby. Either Dave goes out with Freddy, or Freddy comes to us (and gets horrible loud and drunk).

It’s like your husband telling you he has fallen in love with another woman. What are you going to do? You are no longer the first choice. You can’t force him to stay with you because that would be a hollow victory – in his heart he would rather be with someone else. I am so flipping mad and hurt and disappointed.

Definitely can’t live with them, but I think I finally have a reasonable motive to kill. Surely any court would acquit me?


6 Responses to “The ring of love has a short circuit”

  1. Sue October 19, 2007 at 12:53 pm #

    A South African court would definitely acquit you!! I completely agree, Dave should be supporting the country in which he lives, the one where his child was born. I don’t even think you could call supporting your birth country’s rugby team patriotic when you haven’t lived there for the best part of 25 years! I definitely wouldn’t let Freddy into my house for the evening – if it makes you feel any better, I’m also going to be home alone, watching the rugby while Jake sleeps…

  2. Sue October 19, 2007 at 12:55 pm #

    PS… His team’s going to (fingers crossed) lose anyway – what fun is a sulky man??? Who wants to be with him anyway…

  3. Nana Fi October 21, 2007 at 11:15 am #

    Hi Pia, I can only imagine what the deleted post must have said!!!! I would let him go to the pub with loud and drunken Freddy, double bolt the door, because he is going to come home very drunk after drowning his sorrows!!!! Now that’s what I call a bitch slap!!!! Nana Fi xx

  4. Sue October 22, 2007 at 6:39 am #

    Ha-ha – can’t wait to hear what Dave had to say for himself on Saturday night/Sunday. Whoo-hoo – GO BOKKE!!!!

  5. Wendy October 22, 2007 at 7:49 am #

    Awww Pia. How horrible for you. I would make myself perfectly clear that that was unacceptable . A partnership is a partnership and he should respect that and stay with you as you have Adam now and cant go to the pub.
    I cant bear it when peoples patriotism is askew. If you have spent most of your life in a country then you should feel enough for it to support their national side.
    At least you had your revenge with a SA Victory. yay!!!
    I was just so dissapointed I could not be there to toot my horn and be involved in the celebration

  6. purpleronnie October 23, 2007 at 9:34 am #

    So here it is. Steven and his family – who have lived here only 12 years and all have spent the majority of their lives in the UK. Who love their home country dearly and who have every right to support England – were all wearing green and gold and supporting the Boks on Saturday! It is not about where you were born. It is about the alliegance you feel to a team. How can he feel any alliegance to the English team when he has been here the majority of his life? It makes no sense? Anyway, I am with you Pia – that would irritate me to NO END!

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