This is my Kid

Adam is his father’s child in so many ways. He looks like him, he walks like him. He has the same sharp sense of humour. The same naughty devilry. I don’t see a lot of me in him, except his obsession with counting (yes, I have been known to compulsively count lampposts among other things).

Today, after a lovely day out and about together, we were on our way home and I had my music playing (somewhat loudly) and I was singing along to my heart’s content. Soul Sister by Train came on and I sang along with even more gusto.

At the end of the song he turned to me and said with such earnest sincerity:

“I really enjoyed that song”.

I nearly hit the curb…

Maybe he is my kid after all!!

Much to Our Mutual Despair…

(and my secret amusement… but ssshhh, don’t tell anyone I told you)

My son’s favourite song (since they had it in his Xmas concert last year)… is… wait for it…

Kurt Darren’s Kaptein. Not a word of a lie.

Every night, after his bath Adam wants to “dance”, and his song of choice? Kaptein. Once upon a time he would alternate with “I got a feeling”, but Kaptein is now firmly entrenched as the favourite. He even knows the words (sort of, considering they are Afrikaans).

It’s a little dark, and taken with my phone… but you get the idea

Watch out for the attempted breakdancing move three quarters of the way in.

Now I am waiting for him to discover Loslappie!! 

Wild at Heart

Much to my despair, I am enjoying the odd country song these days.

**sigh** what have I become??

My favourite tune of the moment? “Wild at Heart” by Gloriana.

I pump it up and it just makes me feel so darn good. So full of optimism. So full of faith.  

Wild At Heart Lyrics

… I ain’t here to do anything half-way
Don’t give a damn what anyone might say
I just wanna free fall for a while

That rebel moon is shinin’
Those stars burn like diamonds
Hell bent on chasin’ down that crazy spark
I’ll follow you where you’re leading
To the first sweet taste of freedom
You got me runnin’ baby,
Wild at heart

O-oh, that’s alright
I’ve got forever on the tip of my tongue…

My vision of the future is starting to crystallise. And it fills me with faith and hope and optimism.

I want to follow that crazy spark. I want to free fall for a while. That rebel moon is shining… I’ve got that sweet taste of freedom and I’m running… Wild at heart!

Lights Will Guide You Home

My child just threw up. All over me, all over the couch and all over himself. Not that any of that bothers me in the slightest. I don’t mind the sick and I don’t mind cleaning it up. What I do mind is having to see my child vulnerable and in pain… and being helpless to make it better.

But this is the job we take on as parents. We have to stand by and watch our children vulnerable, sick or in pain. And we do our best to help them through it, but most of the time there is nothing we can do except hold them when they are in pain and give them a safe place to fall when they are vulnerable.

When I was pregnant “fix you” by Coldplay was getting airplay and it reduced me to tears every time I heard it. It still does. It speaks to me on so many levels. But, being pregnant at the time, I have always interpreted it from the viewpoint of a parent. For me it is about the unconditional love of a parent. About how you never stop caring for your children, no matter how old they are or how far they stray from the path. About how the pain felt by the child is felt as keenly by the parent. Forever.

It is knowing that your children will face these pains and hardships in the future. We have all faced them ourselves at some point along the journey – they are rites of passage. We have all felt that pain and cried those tears. So as parents, the best that we can do is to let our children go – knowing that they have these trials to live through and figure out on their own. Our job is to let them go, but to also leave them with lights to guide them home when life’s lessons are too hard.

Coldplay have referred to it as one of the most important and emotional songs that they have ever written and, whatever the real meaning, I agree.

 

“Fix You”

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

 Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

 Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you 

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I…

For the record

I have been meaning to do this post since the beginning of the year. It is a rebuttal to my 2008 music in review post.

I had quite a few comments that the songs were so pop oriented. Despite the frikken disclaimer at the top. People either commented on the post or to me directly that they didn’t think I liked music like that (i.e. they thought I had better taste in music). Although one of my new resolutions is not to try and explain myself so often. I thought I would do a quick rebuttal post.

To explain… those songs in that post are all singles that strike my fancy at some point during the year. They could be a favourite for a day or the whole year. But at some point, I liked them enough to add them to my itunes. For the real analysis of my music library, it would be best to look at whole albums added, as I only get the album when I REALLY like the artist.

Closer – The Best of Sarah McLachlan
Josh Groban – A Collection
John Mayer – Continuum (LOVE this album)
Daughtry (yes, I am an Idol nut)
David Cook – David Cook (see above)
One Republic – Dreaming Out Loud
Snow Patrol – A Hundred Million Suns
James Morrion – Songs for you, Truths for me
Mamma Mia Soundtrack (of course)
Twilight Soundtrack (LOVE this one)
A Fine Frenzy – One Cell in the Sea
Keane – Perfect Symmetry
The Script
Jack Johnson – Sleep through the static
Daniel Powter – Under the Radar
Coldplay – Viva la Vida
Jason Mraz – We sing. We dance. We steal things.
John Mayer – Where the light it
The Killers – Day & Age

Goldfish – Perceptions of Pacha (SA music ROCKS!!)
Prime Circle (ditto above)
Parlotones (ditto above)
Seether (ditto above)

A very different perspective, no? (And there are many more I would love to add).

Anyway. That’s all I have to say. Except to say that I am LOVING (love, love, love) James Morrison at the moment. Broken Strings. Say no more. Listen to it, you’ll know why.

Also, did you know that Johnny Clegg has a son. Jesse Clegg. And he sings too… Lordy, I love his song “Today”. Take a Look:

Pia’s 2008 Music Awards (The PMA’s)

**disclaimer 1 – I only have time to listen to mainstream pop radio, so don’t bug me about the pop-flava**

**disclaimer 2 – not the most interesting post in the world, just more me ordering my random thoughts than anything else. sorry**

I love my iTunes. (Me and my iTunes, we’re like thisssss – insert two-finger clip-art). I have been having a bit of a 2008 music retrospective today. Checking out what I played and listened to the most over the last 12 months. And with most of the year spent with my tongue tied, music featured heavily in my day-to-day meanderings. Here is how it all panned out for me

Runaway Favourite Of The Year (and pretty high up on my all time fav. list too)
Viva la Vida – Coldplay
Coldplay never fail to impress me, but this song is (in my humble opinion) their best ever. I love, love, love, love it. I can listen to it again and again and never tire of it. I think it’s the bells. Haven’t got a clue what they are singing about (and I don’t care) which makes it even more impressive that it is my runaway hit of the year (cause I am generally lyric-verskrik).

Most Notable Artist of The Year
Chris Brown
Let’s face it, I like anything this guy does. Whether it’s a schmultzy duo with Jordin Sparks “No Air” or my favourite “Forever”. Or “Kiss Kiss” or “Superhuman“. I am starting to think that he is superhuman.

Other Songs For Honourable Mention (** = runners-up for favourite of the year)
Madonna - 4 minutes (gotta love that JT too)
The Script – Man who can’t  be moved
Beyonce – If I were a Boy
Neyo – Closer **
Neyo – Miss Independent
Human – The Killers **
John Mayer – Say
Rihanna – Disturbia
One Republic – Apoligize

Just kiff/cool/kick-ass Tunz
Sam Sparrow – Black & Gold
Estelle and Kanye – American Boy
Jason Mraz – I’m Yours
Sara Bareilles – Love Song
Adele – Chasing Pavements
Katy Perry – I kissed a Girl
Gwen Stefani – Early Winter
Jennifer Hudson  – Spotlight
Craig David – Insomnia
Pink – So What
Sweet about me – Gabriella Cilmi

Entries for “Soundtrack to the Movie of my Life”

• Beyonce – Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it)… sing it with me now: “if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it..”
• Jordin Sparks – Tattoo
• Jordin Sparks – One Step at a Time
• Daughty – Over You …“and now I’m picking up the pieces from spending all of these years putting my heart back together”
• NeYo – Miss Independent… please find me the guy who finds an independent woman attractive
• One Republic – Apologize… “it’s too late to APOLO-GIZZZE”
• Katy Perry – Hoy & Cold… (You. Yes YOU. You know this is for you).
• Shayne Ward – Damaged

Kudos for Never Saying Die (Dead heat tie for first place)
New Kids on the Block, Take That, Westlife, Backstreet Boys
(I am embarrassed to admit that I *kind-of* enjoyed ”summertime”, “greatest day”, “something right” and “helpless when she smiles”. Maybe I am just a hopeless teeny-bopper at heart)

Gold Star Award for ‘making me look’
Taylor Swift – Love Song
I just couldn’t take the hype anymore and had to check this chick out (SA radio has generally ignored her). And I was faintly pleased with what I found. Not bad for a country chick.

Biggest Let-down of the Year
David Cook – Light On
The song wasn’t bad, but let’s face it… not what I expected it to be. Where did my hot rocker go?

Biggest Surprise of the Year
David Archuletta – Crush
DavidC may have won idols but this little DavidA certainly beat him in the pop charts. Surprisingly enjoyable little pop ditty from the little David.

 

And that’s all I have to say.

In Repair

“I’m not together, but I’m getting there” (John Mayer)

I am in repair. Someone, who I love dearly, recently asked me whether I was ‘out from under my rock’ yet. The short answer is, yes, I am getting ready to come out again. I have been in recovery, but I am feeling ready to show myself again. It is always a sure sign that I’m getting back on track when the phrases start forming and I start writing in my head. When my camera gets picked up again. When I am inspired to create. As I am typing this, I wonder why it took me so long to do this.

As with most things these days, I don’t really have an answer for why I was away for so long.  I guess that the short answer is that there are just too many significant people who read my blog and who sometimes read far too much into my posts. I was paralysed for a while, not wanting to appear too happy. Or too sad. Not too angry, or too forgiving. Not too reflective or self-assured. But not too blown apart either.

So, that being said, where am I? I am happy, but I am also sad. I am still angry and hurt, but I am trying to forgive and let go. I am okay. Mostly. I try to act with love and tolerance and understanding wherever possible. But I am challenged on a daily basis to try and act from a place of love at all times. Sometimes it is very, very difficult. But if I remember to breathe and distance myself, I am okay. When I remind myself to rise above and hold myself to a higher level of integrity, I am okay. Mostly. Sometimes I want to scream with frustration. Sometimes I just want to cry.

I was recently admonished for mentioning that I had no regrets. But I don’t. What happened, happened. I don’t regret it. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I am grateful for the experience. I have learnt so much about myself and others through this process. My hardest lesson was realising that I had to stop making excuses for someone else’s character and behaviour. I had to stop justifying, rationalising, tolerating and sweeping under the carpet. I finally realised that raging against the machine just makes your head hurt. Sometimes the rock is just stronger than the irresistible force.

I am developing a new set of rules for how I want to be treated. I am realising that I was allowing myself to be treated unacceptably. I allowed it. No-one did it to me. I glossed over fundamental issues again and again and again. I should have known better. I didn’t. But now I do. Hence the no regrets.

I have said goodbye to those who are not meant to be in my life. Maybe not directly, but in my own way. I still miss what was and what could have been.  But I think this chapter of my life is over. And as the year comes to an end, I am looking forward to the new year. The song “Not Ready To Make Nice” sums it up perfectly. Although sure am trying to make nice.

I am practising forgiveness on a daily  basis. But I know that I will never forget the way I was treated, from the beginning to the end. I’m through with doubt. I no longer question if this is the right thing. There were good times, no doubt, and there could have been more in the future. But there are also a few fundamental issues that are now non-negotiable for me. So there is no going back. I have paid a heavy price for what I did. But I do believe that what happened was just the catalyst. A change was coming. So sooner was probably better than later.  I am still mad as hell that it was so easy to walk away. Without a fight. Without even disturbing the dust - so gently was the door closed. So, I’m still mad. Still hurting. Still trying to rise above. But, at the end of the day, I look around me and I think I am okay.  

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
Probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m  mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
…
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby

[from the Dixie Chicks]