Grateful: Day 2

As usual, she is running a little behind schedule… better late than never, here is Day 2.

I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge my son’s amazing teacher this year. She truly was a blessing in our lives. She took a shy, nervous and unsure little boy and saw potential in him. She encouraged him and took the time to give him exactly what he needed during the year.

They say that teachers will never know the extent of the influence they have because the effects are felt forever, and in this case, I really believe that.

She is a special teacher and I hope she knows how thankful and grateful we are. Adam and I made her a “Blessings Box” for christmas. We filled it with thoughts and prayers and affirmations (most of them rolled up) so that she can open them one at a time and read them over the next few months.

Christmas Grateful List: Day 1

I have so much to be grateful for. And while christmas is the season of giving and receiving, I want to take some time to acknowledge some things that I am grateful for.

The idea is that there will be 24 days – one for each day until christmas – where I pause and give thanks for the things in my life.

My first thanks is for the wonderful school that my son has the privilege to attend. There are so many things about this school that I am grateful for. From the strong sense of community that comes from a small school, to the care and attention of every single staff member. The cheerful guys who efficiently control the traffic at the gates. The care given by the wonderful assistants in each class. Our precious teachers. Our fantastic headmaster.

Everything is undertaken with special care and attention.

The Christmas tree at the entrance symbolises the spirit of the school for me. It is not decorated with tinsel and shiny balls. It is decorated with pictures coloured in and hung by the children themselves. Each picture has a wish, prayer or blessing written by each family on the back . To me the tree symbolises the love and goodwill of the school itself.

The teachers never cease to amaze me in their desire to go the extra mile for their children. This week they arranged a christmas party for the children (as they do every year). The parents don’t contribute anything – it is all the teachers and staff. The children arrive in the morning with the classroom windows papered up and the classrooms decorated on the inside. Each child gets a special party pack from their teacher. And there is a notice for everyone to explain it all… (excerpts from the top and bottom).

A wonderful school, a wonderful community and I am so grateful that we get to be a part of it.

Advent

Today Adam opens his first window in the countdown to Christmas.

I would like to propose my own advent – anyone care to join me?

 

Midnight In Paris

Because I watched “Midnight in Paris” and because it made my heart ache just a tiny bit.

Adriana: That Paris exists and anyone could choose to live anywhere else in the world will always be a mystery to me.

Adriana: I can never decide whether Paris is more beautiful by day or by night.

Gil: No, you can’t, you couldn’t pick one. I mean I can give you a checkmate argument for each side. You know, I sometimes think, how is anyone ever gonna come up with a book, or a painting, or a symphony, or a sculpture that can compete with a great city. You can’t. Because you look around and every street, every boulevard, is its own special art form and when you think that in the cold, violent, meaningless universe that Paris exists, these lights, I mean come on…

Adele

This. I cannot wait to get my grubby little paws on this. I have already listned to the audio and it is beautiful and heartwrenching and ethereal and completely bewitching. I simply adore everything this woman does.

For Some Reason I Can’t Explain…

Every time I have an opportunity to see a band or artist live I wonder whether I can truly justify the expense. And every time that I pull myself together and convince myself to go, I always wonder what my fuss was all about. The experience always exceeds my expectations in unexpected and surprising ways. From U2 to The Script to Coldplay, each time the experience has been more valuable than any amount of money spent on tickets.

I saw U2′s giant claw up close and screamed my lungs out to “El-el-vation”, jumped up and down and pumped my fist in the air to “Pride”. I was spellbound by The Script and mesmerised by “I’m Yours”. I don’t know what it is. Seeing a live performance connects you to the energy of the band and music in a way that cannot be explained by logic alone.

Coldplay was an impulsive decision. And saw me changing holiday plans and plane flights so that I could go. And right up until Chris Martin opened his mouth for the first time, I wondered if I was just a tiny bit crazy. But then he started singing and 30 seconds into the concert I was awash with goosebumps with a voice whispering in my ear “this… this is why”.

Somewhere in the middle of the Coldplay concert I had one of those moments when life stood still. For just a second or two. Somewhere in the middle of Viva La Vida, with the crowd chanting and bouncing up and down in unison. It was a crystal clear moment of absolute perfection which will live inside me for as long as I live. A moment when I felt insanely connected to the song and to life.

For that moment, for the moment in the photo below and for all the others, I am so grateful to have been a part of them. I am so lucky to be able to say “I was there”.

Just Because

Because I’m feeling dreamy. Because I have too many images of Paris building up on my hard drive (and it’s nice to share). Because it’s been too long since. Because everybody should take a moment out of reality and let Paris wash over them. And because it makes me happy and lifts my heart. But mostly, just because.

Be Easy About This

I can be hard on myself. Very hard. Most people don’t know this about me because I have an easy-going, laid-back, laissez-faire approach to life. Happy to go with the flow, I appear to not care about much. Seem to lack direction, committment and purpose. For my entire life people have reported on me (from primary school teachers to strangers) saying that, if only I had more stick-to-it-ness, I would excel at anything I put my mind to.

What no-one realises is that it is not a lack of discipline that holds me back. Direction and purpose have got nothing to do with it. Most of the time what keeps me from accomplishing anything is a fear of not being able to do it the way I see it in my mind. I believe that I can do anything. Learn anything. I can absorb knowledge and information like nobody’s business.  My problem is not a simple fear of failure – it’s more subtle and complicated than that. It’s not a fear of not achieving the outcome, it’s a fear that the outcome will not completely match the vision I had at the start. I am so focussed on the finish line and what that will look like, that I forget to watch what is right in front of me. I get caught up in the final vision and forget to look after the details. One insignificant detail will then trip me up and leave me reeling and directionless.

There is a general assumption that I don’t care about achieving anything and therefore I have no discipline or direction. This couldn’t be further from the truth, in fact the exact opposite it true. I care too much about the outcome. I want it so badly, that I push myself too hard, shoot too far and too high. And then give up at the first hint that I won’t achieve the perfect result.

I gave up learing to play the piano because I couldn’t play the (very difficult and advanced) piece that I wanted to play. I could easily learn the pieces for my level, but not happy with that, I wanted to play a specific (way too advanced) piece. If I had concentrated on learning the music appropriate for my level, I would have excelled with distinction. But I spent all my effort trying for something I wasn’t ready for and beating myself up because I couldn’t do it.

I wanted to be a photographer, but I was constantly disappointed in the photographs I produced. I was SO hard on myself because my images didn’t match some arbitrary standard I had set up in my mind. I compared my images to the best out there, decided they didn’t measure up and threw it all in. I forgot to notice that photography is a craft you hone over many years of trial and error. I forgot to notice that my photos, while not perfect, were pretty decent.

I don’t post all the things I should on this blog because I want the words to be perfect. And if I know, going in, that I can’t make them perfect, I simply don’t start.

As soon as I get a wiff that things won’t be perfect, I stop and throw it all in. And then I sit around for days, weeks, months (and sometimes years) being MEAN to myself because I didn’t do what I wanted to do. I didn’t realise that it’s okay to end up at 75%. Or 65%. Or 50%. I didn’t realise that any success is still a success.

I have a quote on my note board that has been there for years. This past week the words came back to me and I went and really looked at them and really understood them for the first time:

“Be easy about this. Be playful about this. Don’t work so hard at it. Let your dominant intent me to feel good, and if you don’t feel good, let your dominant intent be to feel relief. Feel your way through it.”

I have to stop being so hard on myself. I have to allow myself to accept less than 100%. I can’t let small obstacles get me down. I have to learn to stop being to serious about the outcome and learn to enjoy the journey along the way. See it as a game. Fun. I have to teach myself to feel good. All this being mean to myself has got to stop!

I am on a Journey

July Retro

These are some photos taken just before my camera took its infamous dive. I think I was too heartbroken to even edit the photos until the camera was fixed. These are some pics from our stay in Gloria Bay and a trip to Hermanus.

I love all the moods of Gloria Bay – I love to sit and watch a storm rolling in. Where you can actually see the sheets of rain as they fall and the mountains change into shadowy silhouettes in the mist:

 

And then, in her fickleness, the next day will have a dusk like this:

While my son attended to his very serious braai duties:

On a trip to Hermanus I was seduced by the turquoise sea and a turquoise lamppost:

 

And Adam was thrilled by Scooby Doo in an aeroplane:

Photos of our holiday coming soon… brace yourselves…